It is Official!

Alright my dear friends, it has happened to me...I am actually  at that time in life where all things MOM have gone to yet another level.  My daughter was Married August 9th and my son left the state for college on August 12th. I am sure you are wondering..."What ever happened to that college freshman last year? Last we heard you were going Postal Mom on him? We thought he was going to college already?"

You would be right to wonder.  His uncle and I found him, brought him home and he decided perhaps college was not his thing! So..he stayed home for a year and grew tremendously. It was very good for mom too, as many of you empty nesters know....It is Hard enough to see them go when you know they are ready, but when you are NOT sure...it can tear you apart.

So now...gone are the days of gangly arms flailing about, boat sized shoes tripping over themselves, , shaving nicks and cuts with toilet paper stuck on the chin and late night fridge raids. Gone are the movie nights with mom and the much needed hugs  when no one is looking. No more "did you use deodorant? Have you brushed your teeth?  and especially no more "Goodness son, Did you eat it ALL?"  ( I smile to myself as I say that. It seems to be the one thing I would say on a daily basis.) Gone are the quiet talks with  mom  just cause he needs it, and no more opportunities to see him stretch those long arms around me for just "one more hug" before bed.   I will miss the  youthful innocence of an honest young man as well as the smile that lights up a room.  I know he is not gone forever, but I will see a bit more to that smile when he returns home for the holidays. It wont be a little boy coming home and in-spite of my tender heart, that will be a Great thing. I might have the opportunity to  glimpse into this bright new world of his, perhaps  he will return with differing opinions than myself or he may have interesting things to teach Me.I might be allowed to listen in about his new found passion ( as I am certain there will be many along the way.) My young boy will most certainly take on a greater manly appearance as his voice is still changing as he continues to grow. I might imagine he will do his best, perhaps make a few poor decisions, but as usual always find a way to fix what he needs tofix and make it all better.
 Pondering the what if's are bittersweet to my soul. I will forever treasure the time I had alone with him these last 20 months. It was a true gift from God. He needed me and I needed Him! It was a time in my life I know I did well. I was able to prepare my son for as many pit falls as I could, and yet, I left some alone as he needs to  discover personally some of the painful sad truths along the way!
I am confident he is one of the good guys!  So, as I finally put the tissues aside from the last round of tears, I comb my hair, take a deep breath, and  move on with my new life as a single woman looking for something to nurture!  AHA!  I forgot all about ME! HEY....WHAT ABOUT ME? Who Am I?
What am I going to do with the rest of MY life? Do I go back to school? Volunteer? Where do I live? What is out there in this big old world anyway?  I really need MY mom right now.
No one prepares you for the letting go stage of life.  I suppose I am back where I started...single, loving God, and looking for a way to Serve Him.
BUT....
I am STILL going to try to get to DISNEYLAND!

The Wee Hrs of Mourning

Well I guess I am not a blogger, but a random writer. I think we all need to take breaks in life. I think they are essential to keep the juices flowing . ( Did I need a vacation??) I am amused with myself right now as these past10 months have been a wild roller coaster for me that is certain.  This blog post might be a bit introspective and perhaps somber to many, but a truthful one at that. I usually write  funny things about life, kids, lessons learned and  my perspective through it all. Today I am a little more serious in my thoughts.  New to the  single life this past year was tough enough, but not as tough as the sudden loss of my mother, the ordeal of putting down my beloved retriever "Gunner" , sending kids off to college, and relocating to another state . It has been one heck of a journey!  Many life altering circumstances came rushing in like a flood and almost overwhelmed me this year!  The life changing events of the past 12 months could have taken me out. I must say, I almost believed they would! But, here I am - reentering the outside world. I am emerging from that warm cave of retreat. It had become a somewhat darkened, lonely,  and deeply emotional pace, and yet I feel the need to rename it all. To say what has happened did not change me would be a disservice to  my belief in a Good and Merciful God.  I learned about myself this year. Yes I have! I have learned I am extremely forgiving, deeply faithful, and not at all controlling as many have spoken about me.  I have learned much  more about life so much more about people. I mean, I have heard these words and perhaps even read them somewhere, but I am  saying I JUST LEARNED them.They have actually sunk into my spirit like a heavy weight.  I have learned you can't really know anyone as well as God knows them. You will never really know them inside their thoughts. It is impossible.  I have also learned life is delicate and beautiful and short. Way too short not to say I love you, or give hugs, or even share a cup of tea. The biggest thing I have ever learned is this-
Seasons in life are just that...Seasons! God created them for us so we could spend time in the deep winter and then come out for Spring. To enjoy our Summers and reap the blessings of the Fall.  I have come through a deep, very dark Winter and can feel the warmth of spring emerging in my soul. I have His promise through His Resurrection that I will be OK. I am going to make it like everyone else is going to make it who has this faith in Him. I am renaming that place-  JOY. Yes, it is now called JOY!
I will never be the same and that I believe is a good thing because God will get  the Glory in  what the enemy of my soul meant for my harm!
So here's to JOY!