OK-
I am a MOM pretty frustrated today about cell phones, face book, mp3 players/ ipods, and computers in general!
I know we need to have these things in our homes to keep us up on the local news, the postings of friends and relatives who live far away, and as a convenient way for the family to stay connected as we go through this VERY busy time in our lives. I also understand media is a wonderful tool for us as parents to keep a tight rein on the activities of our kids... BUT... right now...I could put them all in a pile & blow torch the entire lot into an enormous pile of hot fused molten gray metal!
When you tell your teenager about the dangers of answering EVERY text, e-mail, face-book query, or phone call with caution, and you have actually given scenarios of "STRANGER DANGER," which includes the grossest things you could imagine- you might think some of it actually sunk in...right? WRONG! They are still teenagers, and they have their own ideas about following instructions. While listening to your latest media guidelines, they look at you with those wide eyed blue (brown, or green) eyes...full of earnest intent to grasp everything you are saying. They furrow their brows as if taking in ancient, deep wisdom. They might even burst out with a quick question that is completely on topic of what the years of knowledge are imparting to their young mind. Smiling , you give the new media device to your now well informed teen, knowing they are not only the most intelligent child in the universe, respectful to you their ever so wise parent, they are now ready to face this bright new world with cell phone etiquette in hand. You've done your job. Patting yourself on the back, displaying a huge grin, you walk confidently away from the home, giving them some time to be alone and responsible with their new found device!.
Not one hour later you receive a report that this same well informed teen (who may we remember is THE smartest child in the universe?) has just gone onto the internet with said phone and has run up a media bill (which was NOT on their phone plan) to the tune of over $1500!!! If that weren't the worst- this same teen managed to dupe you into believing it was not their fault. They did NOT go on the internet with their new cell phone- nor have they ever played those games!
(May we re-visit that media talk from a paragraph ago?)
As they sat there furrowing their brow and asked an "on topic" question... Here is the truth to what was going through their brain:
"COOL phone. Love the fact that I can get FREE GAMES too. I know my friend on face book was telling me how to do it the other day.... I am gonna love texting, sending pictures, and sharing games with all my friends! This is gonna be SO cool!" (All the while you were wasting your breath thinking something was REALLY sinking in this time!)
So...off you march to the cell phone store to have it out with the sales person who was supposed to have blocked your kid from the cell phone internet feature. You spend hours fighting for your parental right to protect your teen and for the reversal of the bill (which you triumphantly accomplish). In the meantime, you have given yard work, slave labor, and hours of writing assignments to correct the "wrong" your young genius has committed. Then, out of nowhere, the sweet repentant child comes to you in sorrow, confessing their stupidity and honoring your consequences like a grown up. You melt. You must stand your ground because you know it is good parenting to hold your position...then you remember what it was like to be a goofy teenager wanting another chance... and you give in! There you go beaming from ear to ear with anticipation, you hand them back the communication device a few days later, so proud they have learned their lesson. Then, as they wander off with their new found freedom, you wonder...what was it I needed most as a teen? OH, that's right...SPACE...and sleep!
I suppose I can trust again, but it is so difficult in this crazy world of media. Where will it lead my kids? What will happen to them? Have they learned enough truth about today's media perps and gps tracking and how to protect themselves? Will it stick in their brains? I guess all parents come to this in their lives at one point or another. I just have to let it be.
I promise to put the blow torch away now and bring the devices back in the house. I will dutifully plug them back in and act as if nothing is wrong.... I will give them the benefit of doubt....until the next battle!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
I'm workin on it
April 11th
Ever tell someone you were “Working on it?" But what you really wanted to tell them was:
"I put it on the back burner because my son just proved to me he was actually 7 and not his biological age of 16."
Yeah, I've had days like that... At times you hear “Yes Ma’am" after you asked a point blank question: “Did you shut the water off outside?" Only to go out 6 hours later and the flood is watering not only your neighbors grass, her weeds, her newly planted flowers that are now uprooted and laying limp in a pile of garden mud, but you also notice the cars are hydroplaning as they float past your house!
OH, how I have wondered why God created us so the frontal lobe of our brain is not fully developed until AFTER 25. Teen boys are amazing, sweet, dangerous, and mind boggling simultaneously. Cold damp hands, crackling voice, ankle length jeans you just purchased 6 weeks ago, and the ever present "Oh, I forgot" , are the staples of our daily lives. To be fair here, I must include- the tender hugs saved just for mom, the "I love you" whispered before bedtime, and the "I can handle it mom; go take a rest" moments. All they want is for us to show them some respect, like we do their Dad, to be told they are GREAT when they aren't acting like it, and to let them know we will love them forever even when they just trashed your beautiful crystal candle holder while trying Kung-Fu moves in the living room. Boys...the amazing adventure!
"I put it on the back burner because my son just proved to me he was actually 7 and not his biological age of 16."
Yeah, I've had days like that... At times you hear “Yes Ma’am" after you asked a point blank question: “Did you shut the water off outside?" Only to go out 6 hours later and the flood is watering not only your neighbors grass, her weeds, her newly planted flowers that are now uprooted and laying limp in a pile of garden mud, but you also notice the cars are hydroplaning as they float past your house!
OH, how I have wondered why God created us so the frontal lobe of our brain is not fully developed until AFTER 25. Teen boys are amazing, sweet, dangerous, and mind boggling simultaneously. Cold damp hands, crackling voice, ankle length jeans you just purchased 6 weeks ago, and the ever present "Oh, I forgot" , are the staples of our daily lives. To be fair here, I must include- the tender hugs saved just for mom, the "I love you" whispered before bedtime, and the "I can handle it mom; go take a rest" moments. All they want is for us to show them some respect, like we do their Dad, to be told they are GREAT when they aren't acting like it, and to let them know we will love them forever even when they just trashed your beautiful crystal candle holder while trying Kung-Fu moves in the living room. Boys...the amazing adventure!
Blessings!
The Umbrella
April 4th
I remember when the kids were little, we had an activity book that incorporated games to cover several biblical truths to help them understand basic life skills such as obedience. There was an activity in there that talked about the umbrella of God's Protection. An actual umbrella was a part of the activity. We pulled out our umbrella and snuggled tightly under it. (We all fit, Mom, Dad, and both giggly kids). We told our children this was the umbrella of God. While we were under this umbrella, God would protect us from the bad things in the world. Then the activity prompted us to choose a child to leave the umbrella- just take a tiny step out from under it. So we chose our small son. He stepped out. Our 4 year old was very excited to play the game- so he dutifully left the circle one step. We said "Don't move- stay there” He was giddy with excitement and said "I won't Daddy!" Next- his father said "God has asked us to move clear across the room. So we all moved together. My son remained in his place; however, anxiety began to mount within him- his legs twitching nervously. He shouted... “Daddy, can I come back over there?"
My husband replied "Why son?" He said: "Cause I am afraid". We told him to take 4 steps toward us and then we took 4 steps toward him. With that movement, he ended back under the protection of the umbrella. We said, “When we take a step toward God, He will ALWAYS make one toward us because He loves us”! Next we asked our 6 year old daughter to do the same. This time she moved and we didn’t. She moved to the other side of the room while we remained still. I said there was a storm outside and she had no place to go. We reminded her it was her choice to be there. My son grew anxious for her and kept calling for her to come back. She finally did, and we concluded that being together was a wonderful thing. My husband reminded the kids that when we ask them to obey us and obey God- it is not for punishment, but for their protection. It was a powerful lesson learned that day. My son and daughter still talk about it once in a while as something they will never forget. Even today when there is an issue at home, all I have to say is "You are out from under the umbrella," and everyone knows what I am talking about.
Now, as a mom, I still need that lesson. If I am to raise my teens into great adults, I have to make sure I am the one staying under the umbrella of His protection. I need to follow and stay in obedience to the Lord, keep His word in my heart, so my kids will continue to see that this applies to adults as well as kids.
My daughter is heading off to college in the fall. We have talked about this umbrella of protection concerning her time on Face Book, her cell phone and especially the internet. The safety protection of God's umbrella will carry her during times of great temptations. Chat with your kids about it now and I know it will make an impact on them as it has our kids! Remember- it is NEVER too late to start chatting with your kids- they want it and NEED it!
My husband replied "Why son?" He said: "Cause I am afraid". We told him to take 4 steps toward us and then we took 4 steps toward him. With that movement, he ended back under the protection of the umbrella. We said, “When we take a step toward God, He will ALWAYS make one toward us because He loves us”! Next we asked our 6 year old daughter to do the same. This time she moved and we didn’t. She moved to the other side of the room while we remained still. I said there was a storm outside and she had no place to go. We reminded her it was her choice to be there. My son grew anxious for her and kept calling for her to come back. She finally did, and we concluded that being together was a wonderful thing. My husband reminded the kids that when we ask them to obey us and obey God- it is not for punishment, but for their protection. It was a powerful lesson learned that day. My son and daughter still talk about it once in a while as something they will never forget. Even today when there is an issue at home, all I have to say is "You are out from under the umbrella," and everyone knows what I am talking about.
Now, as a mom, I still need that lesson. If I am to raise my teens into great adults, I have to make sure I am the one staying under the umbrella of His protection. I need to follow and stay in obedience to the Lord, keep His word in my heart, so my kids will continue to see that this applies to adults as well as kids.
My daughter is heading off to college in the fall. We have talked about this umbrella of protection concerning her time on Face Book, her cell phone and especially the internet. The safety protection of God's umbrella will carry her during times of great temptations. Chat with your kids about it now and I know it will make an impact on them as it has our kids! Remember- it is NEVER too late to start chatting with your kids- they want it and NEED it!
Blessings!
Calgon...Take Me Away!
March 28th
Well, today is one of those days where I just don't want to be a mom. I mean- sure I love my kids, but I really need some time for myself. I know it sounds selfish. I usually keep on my toes concerning the entire family- so when it comes time to take care of myself- I just don't have the energy nor the inclination. I think I should switch my priorities...get up take, care of myself, do what I need for myself- THEN take care of the family. I am having a challenge with finding quiet time with God. I think I need to revisit boundaries with my kids. If I am in my room quietly- praying or reading His word- there is A-L-W-A-Y-S a soft knock at the door. A quiet voice always follows- as they are “not wanting to disturb me," but they are! Funny how that is... And, as usual, there is always a question that can wait 15 more minutes. I LOVE my kids- I think I have the best TEENS in the world- and yet...today I don't care to have the responsibility of motherhood!
I remember the shocking story of this mom in our home town who decided to go on a trip to Europe for 2 weeks. She unfortunately left her kids behind to fend for themselves. The eldest was 15, I think, and there were at least 5 siblings in all. We could NEVER imagine doing something like that! Perhaps we might have thought about it in our mommy dream world...however...most of us would have found a way for babysitters, family overnighters, or at least a summer camp!
Several years ago, we were eating at McDonald's near a local theater. Apparently, there were 2 couples who felt it was "OK" to leave their 4 children at McDonald's playing in the activity center while they went to the movies. WOW! I never would have thought of that even on my most difficult days of pampers, pull ups and Sippy cups! Can you imagine? Of course you can’t.
No....these were not in my thoughts today when I said I didn't want to be a mom. I just want guilt free time to go away for a couple of days and re-energize myself. It would be so nice to have my youthful looking skin back, that beautiful white smile of my youth, and to be able to find my waist that somehow got lost in the shuffle of life. It would be nice to be looked at by people in the store as if I had brains. (Noticing the workers are about the same age as my kids). Ahhh trading in my older brains for good looks is pretty enticing these days, but alas and alak- we all grow older.
I just realized I have been writing this entire blog without interruption! Do I have something here? Could this be actually happening? I mean, an entire 30 min to write- reflect- fix typos and form thoughts...ALL without a soft knock at the door or a quiet voice whispering....
OK! So now I am worried. I better go check up on those teens! They ARE in their rooms you know.... BEING PRIVATE!!!
I remember the shocking story of this mom in our home town who decided to go on a trip to Europe for 2 weeks. She unfortunately left her kids behind to fend for themselves. The eldest was 15, I think, and there were at least 5 siblings in all. We could NEVER imagine doing something like that! Perhaps we might have thought about it in our mommy dream world...however...most of us would have found a way for babysitters, family overnighters, or at least a summer camp!
Several years ago, we were eating at McDonald's near a local theater. Apparently, there were 2 couples who felt it was "OK" to leave their 4 children at McDonald's playing in the activity center while they went to the movies. WOW! I never would have thought of that even on my most difficult days of pampers, pull ups and Sippy cups! Can you imagine? Of course you can’t.
No....these were not in my thoughts today when I said I didn't want to be a mom. I just want guilt free time to go away for a couple of days and re-energize myself. It would be so nice to have my youthful looking skin back, that beautiful white smile of my youth, and to be able to find my waist that somehow got lost in the shuffle of life. It would be nice to be looked at by people in the store as if I had brains. (Noticing the workers are about the same age as my kids). Ahhh trading in my older brains for good looks is pretty enticing these days, but alas and alak- we all grow older.
I just realized I have been writing this entire blog without interruption! Do I have something here? Could this be actually happening? I mean, an entire 30 min to write- reflect- fix typos and form thoughts...ALL without a soft knock at the door or a quiet voice whispering....
OK! So now I am worried. I better go check up on those teens! They ARE in their rooms you know.... BEING PRIVATE!!!
Blessings!
Introduction
March 21st
Well- my first ever blog! I am about to understand this world of blogging and why people would be interested in hearing from a mom who has been through it all! OK, perhaps not all! How about a woman who has lived a ton of life- experienced God in ways no one could imagine-traveled to many foreign countries and still came out of it all loving people and life more than she ever thought possible?
My first thoughts are...if you hate life, I am sure it will hate you. If you love it- it WILL love you in return! In all of my travels throughout the US, Canada, western Europe, and Poland, I have found that people are basically the same- kids do about the same around the world… and NO America...not all teens are bad! Each of them has great potential to become awesome men and women in their future. They just need guidance to help them along the way! I am sad to learn many parents are unaware of how to build relationships with their kids. They spend so much time and money at department stores, garage sales, or online looking for that perfect gift to satisfy their child's cravings, only to be disappointed by their own insatiable desire to have more. Some parents just want to be "Best Friends" with their son or daughter and not the bad guy- the one who says NO. Often, young parents, when challenged with a child’s wishes, are driven by their past life experiences. For example, if a parent had a rough time as a teen and felt their wardrobe was inadequate compared to others, they might transfer this feeling to what their teen is asking of them. They might feel the urge to appease themselves and give in to their teen’s demands. I have a friend who never received anything from her parents, so she finds herself giving in to her entire family. Whatever they want, she gives it no matter the cost or effect to her personally. Unfortunately, that is a big problem with AMERICA today... wounded parents can still act emotionally like children themselves. And since we know most children copy their parents’ behavior, the viscous cycle perpetuates and we are spinning down the vortex into childishness...America- who once was strong- now weakened by the almighty Lazy/Selfish/Greedy lifestyle. (I am not speaking of those who grew up in horrific circumstances with neglectful or hateful parents. I will chat about that in a different blog post. I am only referring to the average teen and average loving parent).
My first thoughts are...if you hate life, I am sure it will hate you. If you love it- it WILL love you in return! In all of my travels throughout the US, Canada, western Europe, and Poland, I have found that people are basically the same- kids do about the same around the world… and NO America...not all teens are bad! Each of them has great potential to become awesome men and women in their future. They just need guidance to help them along the way! I am sad to learn many parents are unaware of how to build relationships with their kids. They spend so much time and money at department stores, garage sales, or online looking for that perfect gift to satisfy their child's cravings, only to be disappointed by their own insatiable desire to have more. Some parents just want to be "Best Friends" with their son or daughter and not the bad guy- the one who says NO. Often, young parents, when challenged with a child’s wishes, are driven by their past life experiences. For example, if a parent had a rough time as a teen and felt their wardrobe was inadequate compared to others, they might transfer this feeling to what their teen is asking of them. They might feel the urge to appease themselves and give in to their teen’s demands. I have a friend who never received anything from her parents, so she finds herself giving in to her entire family. Whatever they want, she gives it no matter the cost or effect to her personally. Unfortunately, that is a big problem with AMERICA today... wounded parents can still act emotionally like children themselves. And since we know most children copy their parents’ behavior, the viscous cycle perpetuates and we are spinning down the vortex into childishness...America- who once was strong- now weakened by the almighty Lazy/Selfish/Greedy lifestyle. (I am not speaking of those who grew up in horrific circumstances with neglectful or hateful parents. I will chat about that in a different blog post. I am only referring to the average teen and average loving parent).
So what’s the answer?
L~O~V~E, my friend. The kind of love only God can give… it’s unconditional, tough and hands on. The type of love you can go to bed at night and really appreciate you have. The kind Jesus gives to each of us as we seek out acceptance and self worth. That is this Moms way of living and parenting. That is how I have made it thus far. Praying and asking for guidance and the right direction for each of my kids. The Love of God…there is nothing like it!
Blessings!
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